isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
