This is not my ceiling
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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