I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
