Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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