marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
