So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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