**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
