I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
