4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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