uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
