I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
