she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
