don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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