PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
