its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
