I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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