Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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