You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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