let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
