I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
