is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
