Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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