hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
