So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
