I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
