Your tits are I can't wait for
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
