So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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