So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
