i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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