i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
