I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
