Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
