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Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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