we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
