Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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