literally had 100 drinks last night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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