I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
