6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
