just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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