I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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