dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
