where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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