Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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