a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
