if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
