I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
