i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was CRYING into my vagina
That reminds me...we need to get swords
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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