who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
