it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
