I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize