so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
