it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
