Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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