Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
