i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
