girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
