I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
