apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
