OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
