eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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