Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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