Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize