the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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