I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
