the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
