we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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