your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
